My Catholic Testimony

June 17, 2022 admin Personal Testimony

I’ll begin this post as I began my first post on this blog – my Christian “coming out” confessional:

I have become a Christian Catholic. 

Yes – as in “Born Again”.

Those who know me tell me they’re shocked.

When I told my friends & family two years ago that I had become a believing Christian, the immediate reactions were mostly a mild “Oh Wow“.

When I added: “…and I am a Catholic“, every one of them either gasped, guffawed or visibly dropped their jaws.

A Hated & Misunderstood Religion

Most people in America hate the Catholic Church. These days, most of the Catholic lay people themselves hate it. I think that’s the bucket that my friends and family fit into – indifference at best, disdain or disgust at worst.

Who can blame them, I suppose – with the scandals of the past 50 years.

So why would I – a middle aged man who’s sole experience with Catholicism was an infant baptism that I don’t remember – return to the church of which I had essentially no prior knowledge?

There are a thousand reasons why I converted, but they all roll up to one reason: Because Catholicism Is the One True Religion established by God himself.

From Intellect to Heart

Just as my initial journey to the basic “Mere Christianity” – is C.S. Lewis calls it – began with a slow exploration of intellectual and philosophical concerns, eventually flowering into a full-hearted commitment to God and Christ – so too, my journey from the waiting room of basic Christian belief in through the doorway of the Catholic Church began with intellectual exploration and acceptance, then flowered into the complete embrace of Jesus Christ, the truth about human nature, natural & human history, and the ultimate future of the material and supernatural realms. In Mere Christianity, Lewis was insistent to his readers that once basic Christian belief is attained, one can’t just sit there in “non-denominational” land. Truth is objective, and all the denominations can’t be right about Christian doctrine. One of them must be right (or none of them, I suppose). Spend time in that virtual hallway, as long as you like – Lewis said. Figure it out, then walk through the door of Catholicism, Orthodoxy, Protestantism (pick the one you think is right), or I suppose – invent your own. But pursue truth.

Below are my Reasons for Believing in the Catholic Church, in the order that I encountered them in my conversion.

Its Utterly Implausible

The Catholic Church has decreed so many doctrines and dogmas that, to one who is uninitiated and unschooled in their rationale, must seem utterly outlandish and implausible. And they stack up on each other in an impossibly high-stakes manner. The Catholic Church has assembled the tallest, most delicate and intricate intellectual Jenga Tower, which must and will tumble in the mind of anyone who tries to pick out or ignore any single doctrinal puzzle piece from within.

Its crazy.

That’s what I thought at first. But it was precisely the fact that the Church’s complex, intertwined set of dogmas stand fast, never move, and never bend that attracted me. And these dogmas have remained immovable despite wars against it (both cold and hot) throughout the centuries, and despite even many of its clergy and lay people desperately trying to change it from within – from the earliest Arian and Gnostic heresies down to today’s near-schism in the German church over sexual ethics. Jesus wasn’t joking when he changed Simon’s name to Cephas (Peter). Peter was a “rock”, and his church is now a massive rock, which stands utterly, implausibly still, despite frequent hurricanes of hatred, blasphemy, heresy and evil winds buffeting it from without and within.

The Church is a sign to the world that is unmistakable, and it can’t be ignored.

Its a Matriarchy

People in the west today love to snipe at the Catholic Church by calling it an outdated, misogynist, patriarchal institution. This comes from that same old tired, boring criticism rooted in the last gasps of 2nd wave feminism that tried to erase the roles of men and women, which is now exacerbated by the recent transgender mania to literally erase “man” and “woman” from language and even physical reality.

But calling the Church patriarchal and misogynist is not only untrue, its the opposite of the truth.

The Church on earth is indeed guided by ordained men, and the Pope is its chief priest, but the entire Church is – and the universe and earth itself – actually ruled by an all-powerful Queen, and her name is Mary.

Four Marian dogmas have been declared by the Church:

  1. Theotokos (Mother of God) declared in 431
  2. Perpetual Virginity (that she remained a virgin till death), declared in 649
  3. Immaculate Conception (that she was born to her parents without original sin), declared in 1854
  4. Assumption (that she was assumed into heaven before death, body and soul), declared in 1950

Mountains of historical evidence exists that the Church revered Mary since its earliest days as higher than any other created being, and was granted by God a measure of grace greater than all other intelligent created beings combined, angelic or human.

I will admit that the Marian dogmas were hardest for me to grasp and really believe. When I converted to Catholicism, I was so convinced of its overall truth on every other point that I kinda shrugged my shoulders and thought “the Marian stuff must be true, though I can’t grasp how“.

Well, after 2+ years of daily rosary meditation on Mary and her Son’s life and ministry, and how they intertwine, I can now say that it makes perfect sense why Mary was given such a station of high honor over heaven and earth. Like the ancient Israeli king whose mother co-ruled as queen – not one of his many wives – I see now why Mary’s son would allow her free reign over His kingdom. If true feminism is about honoring women as they really are – then the Catholic religion is the single most feminist religion to ever exist. Conversely, any religion or even world view that belittles, minimizes or outright insults Mary is itself guilty of the worst misogyny.

Faith Alone Doesn’t Save

America’s Christian tradition is rooted in Calvinism, which is the dour and cynical Protestant theology that the Puritans brought with them from England. Catholicism in early America was initially illegal in all but three colonies. Being a priest warranted the death penalty. Ours is still a primarily Protestant country.

Anyway – in my pre-Catholic Christian conversion, I kind of walked into a default Protestant/Calvinist theology, like a lot of Americans do when they convert from nothing. And I explored it in depth before deciding that it is intellectually bankrupt and erroneous.

Two of the core beliefs of this basic Protestantism are sola fide and sola scriptura. The ex-Catholic priest, Martin Luther proposed these as the principles that would supposedly guide and ground a Christian once he protested the Catholic Church’s authority and separated himself from it. John Calvin modified and expanded on these principles, but these two are the foundations.

Only faith (sola fide) in Jesus justifies a person before God and saves him – a mere single act of will saves one, according to this doctrine. What you do after that in life does not really matter to your salvation. You can be the worst repeat sinner, but if you constantly return to Christ and confess your faith, you remain “saved”. Conversely, you can be the greatest repeat saint, constantly doing good works, but you cannot merit anything “extra” in Heaven for it, because you are depraved at heart from original sin, and the chasm between you and God is too far to travel on your own effort.

Isn’t that confusing and unintuitive? It doesn’t matter to God what I do in life? If I’m once saved, I’m always saved? Why then did Jesus himself state so many times in Scripture (and probably innumerable other times that are not recorded) that He expects us to do so many things?

All those verbs!

And conversely, aren’t those who just flaccidly say “I believe!” over and over again in grave danger?

“Not every one who says to me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven: but he that does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he shall enter into the kingdom of heaven“

Matthew 7:21

Jesus’ main activity on earth was to provide commandments on what we should do to be saved and to glorify God. We are to constantly be doing good, not just saying “I believe”, so that we can “Be glad in that day and rejoice; for behold, your reward is great in heaven” (Luke 6:23).

The Catholic Church has from the beginning understood that Faith and Good Works will get us to Heaven. One without the other is heresy. Even if Christ’s sacrifice is the only thing that could justify us before God, we do merit reward by our good works. To declare oneself “saved” on this earth, as many evangelical Christians do, is the height of presumption, according to Catholic doctrine. You must work out your salvation in fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). Only beatified saints, who demonstrate their presence in heaven by clear evidence of miracles on earth, can be certainly claimed to be saved. Heaven is a hierarchy of saints, and God always wants us to achieve more. The Catholic Church, with its sacraments, its rich history of saints, religious orders, countless devotions and charitable endeavors encourages us along the path of doing good in this life for God’s sake.

Scripture Alone Doesn’t Teach

Sola scriptura – “Scripture Alone”, which I mention above – is the other foundation of Protestantism besides sola fide. While serious Protestants will on the one hand say that faith is all it takes to be saved, they will acknowledge that knowing what God revealed in history is important. And scripture – the bible – is their single blueprint for knowing, to the exclusion of all other modes of knowing – most especially the Catholic Church’s sacred tradition.

When Martin Luther no longer accepted the Catholic Church’s doctrinal authority on earth, he still needed a backstop for belief. Well, the bible is supremely authoritative, isn’t it? Its divinely revealed and literally Ghost-written by God Himself. Perfect!

But its not enough. This doesn’t detract from the Bible’s authority. But an outside teaching authority is still absolutely required, including a physical Church on earth led by humans. This is made obvious by the fact that Luther and every other early Protestant didn’t just retire to the forests alone, frolicking with the bible and no one/nothing else. Luther founded his own church. Calvin & Zwingli did the same, etc. etc. There are now 40,000+ Protestant denominations. Why? Because without God’s strong guiding hand and a personal mandate from Him directly (e.g. Peter’s anointing as the first Pope by Jesus), then every individual’s frame of reference and judgment is poor, individualistic and liable to corruption from the world, the flesh and the devil. So every Protestant tries his best to “figure things out” but inevitably disagrees with his Christian brothers on even the most basic points of doctrine, despite seemingly clear statements in the bible. There are 800,000+ words in the Bible. The fact that its so exhaustive and rich doesn’t mean that its free of ambiguity, requiring no competent teaching authority. That’s what the Catholic Church is and always has been. Sacred Scripture + Sacred Tradition = the true church. Its one or none, and every Christian who is honest and intellectually consistent with himself knows that

Back to my earlier image of early Lutherans in the forest – pursuing sola scriptura to its logical end should make every single Christian into a free-floating atom, disconnected from all spiritual authority. But what it really does is make him into somewhat of a hypocrite for even doing theology, preaching or being preached to, discussing spiritual matters, and all of it. But then – the thoughtful protestant knows deep down that he needs a tradition, even if that tradition is a pop-up church that opened last week in the local shopping mall. Martin Luther, Jonathan Edwards, John Wesley, Billy Graham, Rick Warren – they are all their own bishops, their own popes. And they have their own sacred traditions, whether they know it or not. Once an honest and thoughtful protestant sees all these unresolvable contradictions, it should mark the beginning of his journey to Catholicism.

And I’m not even mentioning other arguments against Sola Scriptura:

  • The fact that scripture itself doesn’t assert scripture’s supreme authority (wouldn’t it have made sense for the Holy Ghost to do that?)
  • When St Philip explained the prophecy of Isaiah to the Ethiopian eunuch: “So Philip ran up and heard him reading the prophet Isaiah. He asked, ‘Do you understand what you are reading?’ He replied, ‘How can I, unless someone guides me?’ Then Philip began to speak, and starting with this scripture, he proclaimed to him the good news about Jesus.” (Acts 8:26)
  • When Jesus explained the scriptures to the apostles after his resurrection (Luke 24:27)

Let me put it this way: if scripture alone was really all one needed to be a true Christian, why would a Christian even bother writing or saying a single word about religion? Why would preachers exist? What more needs to be said than what God revealed in scripture? The “plain sense” of scripture should just suffuse into each believer’s mind with sudden and perfect uniformity with all other confessing believers, and theological conflict should end forever.

I Eat God Every Week (sometimes every day)

Catholic sacramental theology teaches that when a person is baptized by holy water, and the words are correctly said, the words themselves and the water itself is what does a spiritual thing right then and there.

Same thing with confession, matrimony, consecrating the eucharist, etc.

This makes so much sense. The church is here to teach the mind and lead the heart – yes. But its also here to do things in the physical world to increase the sanctifying grace within faithful people. And these physical things involve oil, water, bread, wine, human hands, etc.

Its so beautiful that Christ made it this way. We’re composite beings – body and mind/soul. We operate at both levels, and the true religion should lift us up at both levels.

When I understood the reality of the Eucharist – that the priest’ consecration of the bread and wine at mass, in persona Christi, turns it into the body, blood soul and divinity of Jesus – I was astounded.

Since then I’ve spent time most every week visiting and adoring Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, often while it is exposed on the altar.

But my faith reached its apex on the 2021 Easter Vigil mass, when I consumed the Eucharist for the first time.

A lot of non-Catholic Christians talk about having a personal relationship with Jesus. Well – how much more personal can a relationship get with Jesus than to literally eat him?

This is what I do every Sunday (more often when I’m able). I eat God. He commanded me to.

Sex

Americans since the 1960s have been brought up on the lie that sex should be simultaneously casual, extra-marital, and that its consequence (a child) can be avoided by many means, all of which are free from legal and moral restraint.

I was taught this too, but it never sat well with me. But like many on the spectrum of sexual liberality, I slouched back into a libertarian “whatever floats your boat” position on sex. If I wasn’t a pure snowflake, I couldn’t with moral consistency take any kind of stand against the rising tide of unrestrained sexuality in the culture. I think most people are like this – uncomfortable with how hog-wild sexual deviance has gotten in the culture, but innately aware that to throw stones at another sexual sinner would be open one to credible charges of hypocrisy.

Back to my earlier point about the immovable, rock-like stasis of Catholic teaching, and how remarkable it is: there is no other Catholic teaching that so contradicts and is so hated by the world as its teaching on the body:

  • Fornication (sex with one not one’s spouse) is grave sin
  • Contraception and sterilization is grave sin
  • Masturbation is grave sin
  • Homosexuality is grave sin
  • Abortion is grave sin
  • Denying the truth of one’s God-given gender is grave sin
  • Divorce is grave sin for a catholic

And chastity is a supreme virtue that conquers all these sins

The world is so radically different than it used to be, even recently, that according to it, the values listed above should actually be inverted 180-degrees:

  • Most everything that the Catholic church calls sexual sin is in fact virtue
  • These “virtues” must not be just tolerated (which, after all, is what we do to things that are evil), but must be affirmed as good and celebrated
    • Failure to do this is itself “sin” (hate, specifically)
  • Chastity, on the other hand, is for losers, and at best can be tolerated

I must admit that the idea of accepting all the church’s teachings and committing to publicly confess my belief in them was slightly terrifying at first, socially speaking. And what’s worse, when I was seriously close to my conversion, and I looked at the consequence of many of these sins under Canon law, I was even doubtful that I could convert. Had all my past sexual sins excommunicated me already?

If friends, families and communities cracked up in 2020/2021 over covid politics – people excommunicating each other from their lives over mere health policy opinions – how much worse might it be if I came out to the world as a faithful Catholic 100% committed to its controversial theology of the body?

Well – it was a supernatural experience that provided the proof that I was not only forgiven, but would be given the strength to pursue virtue and to declare it to others, most especially to my teenage sons. When I converted, the first and most noticeable change was my sudden ability to be chaste in body and mind. As a red-blooded man without much of a governor on his passions, this was probably the surest sign that a supernatural grace had been given to me. If something seems impossible – and achieving chastity in today’s culture is one of those things – just humble yourself and He’ll prove that “nothing will be impossible with God” (Luke 1:37).

Yes, the clergy is full of sexual sinners. And they cause massive scandal in the Thomistic / Catholic sense (as in, a sin which leads others to stumble into sin). But the fact that the people within the Church who are desperately fighting to remold the church’s sexual teachings, in a cynical and conflict-of-interest-riddled attempt to normalize their own sin – and the fact that the teaching has resisted this change for 50+ years – is another sign of its divine origin. More on this corruption below.

Many Shepherds are Corrupt

“The Catholic Church is an institution I am bound to hold divine — but for unbelievers a proof of its divinity might be found in the fact that no merely human institution conducted with such knavish imbecility would have lasted a fortnight.”

Hilaire Belloc, from The Life of Hilaire Belloc

Many of the Church’s bishops and priests – and frankly many lay people – are corrupt, immoral and downright antichrist characters. What many thought had “blown over” after the 2002 Boston Globe exposé about homosexual predation & rape by Catholic priests, only roared back at us in the infamous “Summer of 2018“, which resulted in an actual Cardinal being defrocked.

This is quite easily answered in two ways, neither of which will satisfy someone with a heart hardened against the Church, but which are still true:

  • Argument From Human Nature
    • Human Beings are flawed and naturally inclined to sin
    • The Church here on Earth – Catholic priests, bishops, religious brothers & sisters – are all Human Beings
    • Therefore, the church’s members here on earth are not exempt from sin
  • Argument from Satan (this one is for non-Catholic believers…skip ahead if that’s not you)
    • Satan hates us all & wants to drag us to hell
    • The most visible symbol of Christ on earth is the Catholic Church that he founded upon St Peter
    • The Church birthed western civilization – hospitals, universities, charities, philosophy, banking, art, music, etc.
    • If one believes then that the Church is also the primary means to save us all from our sinful tendencies, then
    • Wouldn’t it stand to reason that Satan should attack it with all his powers, to weaken it as God’s beacon on earth?
    • If yes, then we might expect, especially with the 20th/21st century’s blood-soaked history, that Church leaders would also become compromised and even depraved, through the temptations of the Evil One and our own shared tendencies as humans to fail to do good

And if that’s not enough, just consider that St. Paul himself murdered Christians for a living before his conversion – and he went on to write over 20% of the New Testament! And remember what happened to the other apostles on the night before Jesus died?

  • Judas sold Jesus out, then killed himself
  • Peter (the pope!) apostatized three times
  • Every other apostle besides John ran and hid like cowards
  • Only the women stayed with Jesus

These apostles were the first bishops of the church! And they failed their mission completely, committing mortal sin and displaying the worst vice at the very hour Jesus needed them most. Yet Jesus later commissioned them to lead the church despite this. But perhaps its not “despite” but “because” they were such miserable failures that he commissioned them. No one except the Blessed Virgin Mary can claim faultlessness before God. Jesus was constantly calling sinners out of their sin and onto the narrow road of sanctity. I think Jesus chose corrupt church leaders from the start as a sign to history that “without me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

This is a bad time for the church and the world. But things were bad from the start. God will prevail.

Extra Ecclisiam Nulla Sallus

Outside the church there is no salvation.

Meaning: hell awaits all those who willingly, and with full knowledge of the truth – or even culpable ignorance of the truth (e.g. they had ample opportunity to understand the truth but spurned it) – declined to obey God and worship him in the manner that he prescribed through the Catholic Church.

What an un-charitable view, eh? How un-loving, and un-forgiving?

Hardly. The church teaches that ALL men are given sufficient grace to learn the truth and obey it. Even “savages” of the uncivilized parts of the world throughout history. There absolutely is hope – though desperate hope, if that – that non-Catholics may achieve the beatific vision in heaven, resurrect bodily on the last day, and live forever in glorified physical bodies.

But there’s no certainty of this, no matter what watered down pap may be spouted from the pulpit by watered down, effeminate & weak priests or bishops. St Thomas Aquinas established that there may be devout, humble souls who follow the inner conscience of God, without the remotest benefit of the One True Church – who are thereby justified before God by their culpable ignorance and their virtuous life. These are the exception, especially in a world which the gospel has reached nearly every remote country and land.

Why would anyone believe this? Can’t everyone have “their truth”?

Truth cannot be relative. It must be absolute and objective, and we all know this if cornered with the choice. I was cornered by the mammoth conclusion that the Catholic faith is the One True Faith. Everything else is heresy (at worst) or ignorance (at best). Honestly I have more empathy toward radical partisans of atheism or Islam or Wiccan-ism than I do with lazy, checked-out yuppies who espouse the “Just…I’m not sure!” brand of agnosticism. Memento mori! Remember, death comes! What more important matter is before you than figuring out if God exists, and if Jesus Christ is your savior?!? Decide for or against, be hot or cold – not lukewarm.

Now Where?

Every priest or devout Catholic to whom I tell my story are unanimous in why they think my conversion happened: God has chosen me to help bring faith to the people in my life. How? Primarily through private prayer and good example.

The Vatican II council declared in Lumen Gentium that all Catholics are to answer the Universal Call to Holiness. This call has two parts:

  1. The Internal spiritual life, which can and must end in personal sainthood – in this life if at all possible
  2. The Outward evangelization of non-Catholics and (increasingly in this day) of lapsed Catholics – the so-called “New Evangelization“

The vocatione ad sanctitatem refers to one of the most puzzling and seemingly impossible commandments of our Lord, which I mentioned earlier:

“Be perfect therefore, just as your heavenly Father is perfect“

Matthew 5:48

My final reason for believing in the Catholic faith is the rich spiritual literature left by church mystics, desert fathers and all the saintly men and women of the church. Many of them did reach perfection in this life, by – in priority order – humble lives of prayer, good works, painful & redemptive penance, and occasional public evangelization and exhortation. Getting that priority straight in my mind has been the reason I stopped publishing this blog for so long. But I felt that it was time to share again. Hopefully some day, when I can really remove these spiritual training wheels and get moving at a faster speed, then the collateral benefits of this private mission of mine will rub off of me and onto others I know.

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